So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
