you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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