This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
