just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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