if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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