I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
