You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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