no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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