remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize