we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
