i already hear my dad disowning me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
