I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
