you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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