just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize