why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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