I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
