he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
