I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
