if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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