wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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