I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
