i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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