Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
