I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize