If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
