im drinking this country out of the recession.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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