And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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