He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
