Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
