Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize