I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
