dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
