that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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