he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
