Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
