How'd it feel making her break her religion?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
