my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
