Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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