He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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