My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
