i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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