Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
