yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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