garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
