question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
