my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
