I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
did you just send me my own nude
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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