im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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