So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
