i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
