I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
