She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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