he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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