yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize