with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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