im drinking this country out of the recession.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
