I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
