And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize