youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
