I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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