were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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