Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
