I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
