i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
