guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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