I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
