my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
