If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
