either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
