I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
