Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
