then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
