oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
