It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i now understand why vodka
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
