There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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