she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
