Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
