I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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