remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
