Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
