the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
