I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
