Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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