Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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