im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
