So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
