Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
