are you still at the devil's house?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize