took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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