Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
