just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
