what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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