eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
