I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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