Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
