Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
