omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
