My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
