Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
