Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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