what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I met the friendliest cop last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
