FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
