i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
