I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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