I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
